Wednesday, September 29, 2004 ::: all there is, is perception
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
sorry ... comp froze up for a while
anyways yea ... like i was saying
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
no problem
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
... i'm actually taking an interest in maths and sciences now ... i think it's b/c i actually understand it now, and i'm actually getting satisfaction from a job well done on a regular basis - something rare in mary ward
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
it is, there's no sense of gratification at all
it's so hard to truly learn
so again, you're living the ideal education
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
actually you wanna hear something funny?
... i got a 48% for my diagnostics test for calculus ... but my teacher said to keep at it b/c she's never seen anyone work as hard as me before, lmao
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
as always
haha, that's good
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
she was like, "you work really hard" ... "that's cuz i learnt my lesson after 4 years" ... haha
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
haha, ward, teaches more practical lessons than math, i think
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
i think the thing i learnt from ward that i couldn't have learnt anywhere else was the value of a stronger kind of intimacy in all levels of relationships
... like, you'd never have a circle of friends as big as ours in any other school ... and i don't think we ever will again in university either
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
yeah, you meet all sorts of people of all ages
and it doesn't factor into the measure of the person
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
yea ...
... like i mean, after doing nothing but work at blockbusters for a whole summer, and then entering a standard kind of school system, i've realized that the only relationships available in those environments are very superficial ...
mind you, in ward, lotsa ppl would cluster into their own little cliques and would almost become exclusive from everyone else ... like my situation back in gr. 10-11 ... but fortunately, our group was very inclusive - i mean, that's how we got so large
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
exactly, we can get to know other people like nowhere else
because the system gives us the time and freedom to do it
though the building is technically a prison
we'll still have something we learned from it
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heheh ... of course, that came w/ an expense - our academic performance
... but at the end, i don't think any of us regreted it
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
not in the least
no matter how much work we didn't finish
no one will remember that
but who will forget all those good times with such good friends?
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
exactly ... after 10 years, we won't remember how many years we spent there - what we'll remember is what we did w/ our time there
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
like that game of pool, man
not what you take with you, but what you leave behind
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
lol, exactly!
i always bring up that analogy when i play pool w/ ppl ... but no one gets it, hmf?
... i actually got that from mr. bogues when he came over to nam's place to pick up jeff and played a round of pool before he left
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
yeah, you told it to me the night of sarah's party before we left
so true, and memorable
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heh ... that's the only reason i picked up the game
... so what are you doing w/ your time now that you're taking a break from school?
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
i'm working, that university tuition has to come from somewhere, you know?
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
hospital kitchen, but looking for something else
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heh ... you wanna become a nurse rite?
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
yeah, how about you?
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
not sure ... psych major for sure
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
ahh, cool stuff
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
hmm ... if you keep the job at the hospital, or get another job still in the hospital ... you could get a co-op/internship for your nursing really easy eh?
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
yeah, it's on the same road
and it's experience in the same environment
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heh, and how's the staff environment in the hospital? ... cuz if you're close w/ ppl from the hospital, it makes climbing the corporate-ladder much easier
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
lol, the hospital corporate ladder? i've no interest in that, haha
it's not bad, pretty impersonal
but i like it like that
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heh ... i see
well, nonetheless ... if you keep tabs on ppl, there could be many openings for you
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
oh, of course. i won't purposely not talk to people, just work-friendly, you know?
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
exactly ...
heh, ya know what's funny tho ... blockbusters is actually a pretty small staff environment - only 2 ppl close during the night, and you usually close w/ the same person all the time ... so altho relationships are profesional, there is that familiarity which is sorta like an intimacy between friends ...
... combined that w/ the very superficial and very plastic 'customer service' relationship w/ your customers ... it almost strikes a very profound contrast in interpersonal relationships
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
ahh, i see what you're getting at
so no matter who it is
you're spending close time with them
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
exactly ... i almost feel like i've honed my social skills at blockbusters - one of my teachers in my new school said i should take drama cuz i'm not afraid to talk, lol ... usually i'm not that confident, especially in the environment of a new school
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
ahh, that
that's awesome, man
learning the most unexpected of things at the most unexpected of places
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heh exactly ... but yet, that kind of confidence an plasticity is still such profound contrast w/ the kind of truly intimate relationships that i've made w/ friends in mary ward
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
harmony in balance, right? i mean, you feel one way with a certain set of people, and another with a different group
kind of like guard up and guard down
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
hmm ... i guess, heh, but i never put my guard up ... except for when i'm dealing w/ authority ... they frikin piss me off, lol
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
haha, anarcy for life.
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heh, damn straight
... man, you know who i saw at the university fair on friday?
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
who?
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
erin - my ex
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
haha, happen to talk, or justa random sighting?
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heh ... actually, i was there w/ other ppl and we got seperated, so i was juss looking for them ... walking around, i see erin and i was like "Whoooa! ... she was like, "wow!" ... and then we juss started talking, heh
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
everything go civil?
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
hahaha ... actually, yes it did ... we hugged, and then we were juss walkin around and she put her arm around my waist ... funny, it didn't feel awkward at all
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
as long as things are the way you want them, there isn't a problem, right?
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heh, exactly ...
actually ... i saw alota ppl there ... some ppl i haven't seen in a while ... which is funny, cuz the university fair is supposed to be about planning for the future, but all i saw when i got there was my past
... strange eh?
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
the ironing is delicious, man
same thing happened when i went, but yeah
maybe it's like one strong reminder before you go forward
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heh ... but then that's assuming there's no such thing as coincidence
... do you believe in fate? or juss coincidence?
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
can i take the cheap nihilistic route and say nothing?
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
well ... a nihilist would say coincidence rite? ... like, everything is juss random and has no meaning
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
most likely, and really, i think i'm more for coincidence than fate
what about you?
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
well ... to say coincidence would be reaffirming my existential faith that nothing really happens for a profound reason that is beyond us, but rather things only happen as a consequence of our own actions
... but then, what about those things that happen outside of our own influence?
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
well, they're beyond our influence, and that's about all we know
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
exactly ... that's all we know ... we can't debate whether a sentient metaphysics is at work here ...
... but my religion (existentialism) says that they're juss random
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
it's my god too
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
and yet, experience makes me question otherwise
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
there are always two sides to the coin
and nothing says that both sides can't come up
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
... don't you hate it when the coin lands on the floor, rolls, and ends up leaning against the wall or something?
... and yet, if the coin were to do that when we're trying to figure out a profound decision, it suggests that maybe a sentient metaphysical force was present at the flipping of the coin
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
two-face does too, and yes, it's a step in anti-determinism; but it could also mean, that it really just did bounce off the ground in such an angle that it would lean against the wall
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heh ... the debate goes on
... in the end tho, it's like art ... all mysterious events are a form of impression rather than expression ... cuz no matter what happens, it's still up to us how we choose to interpret it rite?
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
exactly. the world, in all its goodness and ugliness, is 99% perception. the other one percent isn't sure it's real.
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heh, i like that ... where'd you get it?
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
just made it up on the spot, haha.
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heh, nice
then again one could argue that this metaphysical force works in mysterious ways and prolly knows how you're going to interpret it ... hahaha
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
haha, and it goes into another circle of debate
and to know the answer, would be to stop playing the game
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
exactly ... hey, you should read my blog about how i compare life to a game of mao
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
haha, leave a link, and i'll be sure to check it out
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
http://www.distorted_lens.blogspot.com/
hmm ... so no matter whether there really is a sentient metaphysical force, in the end it all comes down to how we chose to interpret 'coincidences' in our lives
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
not just coincidences, but everything really
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
exactly ...
... we are obligated to give meaning to everything, even if it's relative, because to ignore would be to fall into the destructive nihilistic trap of apathy
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
and we all know how depressing that really is, haha
so we'll look, and look, for that meaning
and in the end, what we have is really just what we think it may be
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
exactly ... meaning is in the eye of the beholder
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
roll initiative!
oh, you meant that as a philosophical statement
lol, i'm kidding, but yes, everything is simply as we see it
nothing less
*else
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
here's another interesting coincidence ... something happened at school on thursday that was nothing short of a miracle - the vice-principal called me to the guidance office to fix my ridiculous schedule, and my calculus teacher suggested i drop that course this semsester, and study until next semester when i pick it up again, so that way it'll fix my 48% average
... i was soo happy i promised myself i'd go to church juss to be sure ... when i got there, the sermon was about reaching out to the poor ... and then, this afternoon at chemistry class, my teacher started talking about reaching out to the poor! it was nuts! ... and then he tied it to this lesson about: "ask yourself why you're here"
... then in an attempt to answer that question, i arrive at my philosophical ponderings of the previous two years, and tie it back up w/ the coincidence at the university fair ...
... and now ... i'm talking to you ...
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
now you've got a bitch of a question: "do i just have godly timing, or is some metaphysical force teaching me a lesson?"
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
more importantly, whether or not it's timing or a metaphysical force ... how am i supposed to interpret this?
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
the way that everything is usually interpreted: the way that lets you get the most sleep tonight. if you're more religious, say god pulled through on some prayers. if you're not but you believe in fate, it was going to happen anyway. if coincidence is your deal, then it's just a lucky roll of the dice.
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
hmm ... i'm not so much interested in how it happened, than what is going to happen from here ... or what i am supposed to do from here
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
the true existentialist answer, i'm proud
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
the way i see, all these coincidences puts me at a cross-road ... what those roads are and where they lead, i'm not sure ... and i guess that's why i'm thinking about this so much ...
how am i supposed to interpret this so that i can have a better idea of how to live for the next year? ... (heh, interestingly enough, something like this happens every year ... last year it was erin, lol)
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
lol, you take this with a clean slate. daily
you only live a day at a time, and i think living as every instance arises would be the best course of action
if you know what's going to happen, there's really no excitement
and you'd lose the challenge us biologicals face
uncertainty.
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heh ... but i guess that delusional sense of 'certainty' was what attracted me to erin and formed such an intimate relationship between us ...
living by uncertainty ... there's a concept
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
beauty in the unknown, not enough people embrace what they don't know
sure, it's not as comforting as what's "known" but it makes things interesting
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heh ... there's a concept from my premature buddhist phase ...
i remember thinking that nothingness is the ultimate state because non-existence is the yin to all the yangs that do exist ... powerful huh?
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
i like it
it's the same basic statement about the unknown
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
actually ... now that i think about it ... it's similar heidegger 'dasein' ... err, at least i think that's what it was called
something about how, if a thing exists - it is proof of the possibility that it never existed, or the possibility that it might exist in a different state or different nature
existence and non-existence being one and the same and suggesting and infinite number of realities ...
... err, something like that ... i need to brush up on my heidegger
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
haha, as much as i love reading about many other philosophies and ideas
i'm content with the ideas i think of myself
pretty vain, but it's a very simple and satisfying trurth
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heh yea ... my gr. 11 night school english teacher said that sitting down and doing nothing but thinking is actually more productive than reading ...
evo | you and i, babe, against the world. says:
haha, i like the way the man thinks
man, we've got to do this again
but for now, i've got to step out and take care of stuff
you take it easy though, and just remember that all there is, is perception
Project Rey.volution - Kensington Market ... awesome place, awesome day says:
heh ... gotcha
i'll see around then
